Hello world!

Hello world!

definition: (1) The first program created by a programmer learning a new computer language. (2) The first output of a new computer program used during testing to verify it works. (3) Generic term WordPress.com uses for the first default post on a newly created blog.

Computer Monster Since I’m a bit of a geek and know several computer programming languages and have tested many, many, many programs, I have used this term many times; and I felt a little pang of nostalgia when I say it listed as the title of my first blog post. I’ve seen several blogs that left the first post intact–including the text provided by WordPress.com that tells you to go ahead and delete it. I’ve also see many that did just that, delete it.

But I can’t remember anyone who kept the title and changed the text. If you decide to follow my musings, you will probably find that I tend to do things that aren’t typical of what is found elsewhere. So it makes sense that I adopt this strategy to start a new venture like this one.

Also, I think the title really fits this post and my goal for this blog is to introduce myself into the world as a live person with lots of opinions and maybe even some that are worth sharing. If you agree with me, please follow me. If you don’t agree, don’t tell me—I have a very fragile sense of self-esteem and this site should help me make it stronger so I need all of the positive reinforcement I can get.

I hope I am totally honest about my opinions, my problems, and, I hope, my successes. I want to share my knowledge and my ideas. I want to leave the world a little better than I found it. I’ve done many things in my life, not all good. I discovered that life is more than just doing one thing that feels good for myself after another. Even when I was doing that, I wasn’t really enjoying life, just waiting for it to pass by—and end.

Sometimes I still feel like I’m just waiting for life to end. I know that’s not a productive way to live. Actually, it’s not living at all. I do take medication for my depression and bi-polar disorder and when I’m not so depressed and have lots to do, I don’t think that way so much. When I am really depressed and without enough things to keep me busy, I do dwell on the end of my life. Not how I would take my own life. I have way to little self-esteem to figure I could succeed if I tried and I don’t want to just try—I would want to succeed. No cry for help here!

I don’t ask for help for anything. Of course I could use help most of the time, I just don’t know how to ask for it. I use several excuses to justify my reticence:  “I don’t deserve help.” “If I can’t do it myself, I’m a failure.” “I would have to compromise on the quality/idea/goal if I asked for help.” “I’d have to spend more time teaching another person or redoing it if I let someone else in on the project.”

I say I’m low on self-esteem, but I also have an overly high expectation for what I am capable of. I know I’m smart. I know I have a good deal of physical strength and that’s not as hard to seek help for anyway. And I know I’ve accomplished a lot of things already so I should be able to accomplish more. But I just don’t feel it. And feelings often seem to overrule reason in most people and it seems I am not immune to that common foible of humanity—even when I try to do things that others don’t do.

International Flag BearersEven though I feel different from most everyone else that doesn’t mean that everyone else is alike. I know each person is unique. Each person is a rare and special gift to the world. I am a unique, rare, and special gift to the world; I just need to stop being afraid to let everyone know it. And I don’t need to prove it—I can ask for help and people will still know I’m OK.

I also heard that if you act as if you are the way you want to be, you will become that person. Since I’m so smart and most advice doesn’t seem like it will work for me, I’ve rejected that idea. But now that I think about it, I just have to find a way to live it that fits me. I thought I would have to try to be normal to do it, but I just need to be ME with no excuses. Just do what I KNOW instead of how I feel.

So here’s my experiment with life. Hello World! here I am.

Here’s the my introduction to you—and my readers.

I hope readers do find something of value here. I also hope I find something of value here when I’m all done. I’m not asking for pity. I am asking for support. I have to do this work or I think I will self-destruct.

I joined Twitter and started using it. All of sudden several 100 people were following me. It felt really good at first, then I began to suspect they were just “followers” an it doesn’t mean anything about me. But I am starting to live a new way. I will THINK that it’s says something good about me, because it probably does at least mostly. And I will re-analyze my FEELINGS about things.

So here’s my introduction. In the future I will write more about my personal struggle to be a whole person just as I was born to be. But my whole blog will not be just about my struggles. I want to write about all of the issues I support. I want to examine what it means to be the dreaded L-Word:  Liberal. I will look at it both politically and religiously because that describes me totally.

I said earlier that if you don’t agree with  me, don’t tell me. I was only kidding a little!

If you want to agree with me—GREAT! Comment away. If you don’t agree with me, at least on issues or if you think I’m being to hard on myself, please comment then too. Just don’t be mean. I want to uphold a decent level of civil discourse on this site. I will do so with my own words.

I will delete it if I get comments that have language that is too foul. (I’m no prude, but I want to be able to show this work to people who may be a little young for many crudities.) Besides it takes more intelligence to come up with decent phrases to express irritation than to stoop to “four-letter words.” Or if I find out what is posted is not true, or posted just to demean someone.

We have free speech in this country, but this blog is not a democracy. It’s my public face to the world, and I intend to do as much housekeeping as I feel necessary to make it a good public face.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of the way to the end! I tend to be verbose. I will probably write lots of long posts, but I will try to be terse when I can.
Red White and Blue Ribbon

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