Political “Humor”

I have a friend that I think is a great person. He’s intelligent, witty, accomplished, and has a big heart. He’s also a Republican.

Despite the fact that he is a Republican, I like him very much and we exchange messages via email often. Most are forwarded messages that have some witticism or inspirational tone. Often they poke fun at public officials and politicians. For a while, he actually lampooned both sides of the aisle. But lately he’s been dissing Democrats and liberals almost exclusively.

I try to ignore much of what he sends that are irritating, but when they arrive uninterrupted one after the other, I get inspired to reply. Especially when they are not only an irritation, but they are false. I spent an entire afternoon researching facts to debunk a message fulled with supposed facts from Fox News and other conservative celebrities shortly after Obama was sworn in and the Health Care Reform Bill was working its way through Congressional committees. Every item in the list was false. I included my sources with the facts. He was amazed that I was able to find the truth from reputable old-media websites like AP, Knight-Ridder, MSNBC, CBS, ABC, and PBS as well as Snopes.com and other new-media sights that uncover hoaxes and fraud.

But that didn’t induce him to halt the flow. A few I hit “reply all” and sent the correction to the entire list of recipients, but he’s learned how to use BCC to hide the other names so I just send it back and ask him to forward this one too.

I just received another one today. It’s a list of  purported reasons why someone would vote Democrat.

Pick Your Reason

When your friends can’t explain why they voted for Democrats, give them this list. They can then pick a reason.

10. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

9. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

8. I voted Democrat because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

7. I voted Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don’t start driving a Prius.

5. I voted Democrat because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies through abortion so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

4. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

3. I voted Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the democrats see fit.

2. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

As you can see, it is a list of typical conservative ideas about what Democrats think. Nothing earth-shaking, just the usual drivel they produce to vilify the left.

So I amended it to show that Republican voters have a comparable set of reasons that counter these:

YOU Pick Your Reason  —  and pass it on!

When your friends can’t explain why they voted for Republicans, give them this list. They can then pick a reason.

10. I voted Republican because I believe oil companies’ record profits on petroleum products is good for the economy, but the government efforts to regulate emissions from those same products is obscene.

9. I voted Republican because I believe the bankrupt wall-street bankers will do a better job of spending money and getting government subsidies than I am and I want to be just like them.

8. I voted Republican because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by what I say.

7. I voted Republican because I’m afraid of my local police and need as many assault rifles as possible to protect myself from the government and I believe government efforts to make guns safe is obscene.

6. I voted Republican because I believe that I have the individual right to pollute the air with whatever vehicle and petroleum products I want despite proven science that the pollution will accelerate the polar ice cap and glacial disappearance to the point of flooding several island countries out of existence in the next ten years.

5. I voted Republican because I’m not concerned about the slaughter of innocent people forced to become death row inmates because of improper police tactics and prosecutorial misbehavior while I want to make sure poor women without resources are forced to seek illegal, dangerous abortions when they need them and put their lives at risk while women with money will be able to buy whatever services they need anyway.

4. I voted Republican because I believe the lie that illegal aliens get free health care, education, and Social Security benefits; and I don’t want to know that they pay into these programs when they pay taxes at their jobs, but they never get any of that money back because they do not file income taxes for refunds and are too afraid to apply for other programs because they would likely end up deported back to danger and poverty in their country of origin.

3. I voted Republican because I believe that business should be allowed to make profits for by forcing their workers to accept wages so low they cannot afford health care and need to supplement their income with food stamps. They need to make as much money as they can get away with so they can so their corporate executives can be protected from seeing their employees who live on the brink of poverty.

2. I voted Republican because I want conservative judges to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who are good conservatives but who would never get their agendas past the voters.

1. I voted Republican because my head is so firmly planted up my ass it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

Hope this information made you cringe and laugh!! And I hope you have some people you could pass it on to so they can decide for themselves.

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    • askinozcan
    • April 16th, 2010

    Mr.B. goes to his doctor to have his head examined. After an encephalography, his doctor tells him:
    Mr.B. on the left side of your brain, there is nothing right. And on the right side, there is nothing left!
    Askin Ozcan
    Author of WISDOM IN SMILE, SMALL MIRACLES, STOCKHOLM STORIES, THE SECOND VENICE, THE MINI-SUBMARINE, LIGHTNING AND A BOUQUET OF ROSES
    http://www.xlibris.com/AskinOzcan.html

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