Archive for the ‘ Trials ’ Category

From a tortured soul. . . .

Neighbor's Iris

I try to capture the good things around me to help overcome the bad things in my head.

Well, I said I’d talk about mental illness in this blog, but I haven’t been as forthcoming as I could be. Putting my feelings in words would probably help me feel better, but I never feel like doing it when I need it the most. I’ve been really needing it lately.

I can say with total belief in the fact–I’m VERY intelligent. It’s not just that I think I am, I really am. I know so many things and how to do so many things, I forget that most other people don’t. And because I have almost NO self-esteem, I hardly ever stand up for myself when challenged by someone who knows so little compared to me. Growing up, I got good grades–great grades as a matter of fact; but at home I was constantly told I was wrong. Continue reading

Self Improvement Base: A Starter Guide

Mental Health Awareness Ribbon

Image via Wikipedia

Well, I’m on a self-pity kick. Most of my posts here have been rather political in nature with a little religion and philosophy thrown in on the side. But I did state in my explanation of this site that it would also cover some of my mental health issues. And since that’s what’s bothering me the most right now, I’m taking the liberty to pour some of it out on-screen.

I found a new site that has some inspiration and advice to offer and thought I would share some of it here. The site is called “Self Improvement Base”

A Starter Guide To Self Improvement is one of the latest posts and prompted me to think about my life.

The author recommends several things to watch out for if you have self-esteem issues:

  1. A Negative Work Environment
  2. Other People’s Behaviour
  3. A Changing Environment
  4. Past Experience
  5. Negative World View
  6. Determination Theory

Of course some of these are impossible to avoid completely, with a little work anyway. But others we are able to get by without dealing with them on a regular basis. And I suppose a couple require that we overcome years of learned behaviour. I want to examine each one. I’m not going to regurgitate what I read, but what I say may not differ from the source. It’s just my musings and opinions on the subject.

#1:  A Negative Work Environment

If where you work is overly stressful, it’s time to find a new workplace–no matter how much you feel like you have no choice. And of course, don’t fall into the trap of indulging in the bad atmosphere and trying to win the competition for most negative. Instead of competing for the bottom of the emotional ladder, look for a new work situation.

#2:  Other People’s Behaviour

People who show us bad behaviour have usually lost their own self-esteem and are more than willing to take yours with them. Of course it won’t do them any good either, but they will try to take it. It may help them at the time, but in the long-run everyone involved will be damaged by it–including them. If you have someone like this as a friend, they aren’t your friend–you are their friend, but the feelings won’t be returned. Continue reading

How Being Negative Can Get You To The Gym

Positive Thinking...
Image via Wikipedia

via How Being Negative Can Get You To The Gym.

I read this article, not because I need motivation to get to the gym–though it would be a good idea for me (LOL)–but because I seem to think negatively most of the time. Of course I think with the wrong sort of negativity.  I think about how bad I am, not how bad “things” are.  But I thought it might appeal to me more than trying to think positive. And I was right. but I don’t know how effective it will be for me either even though it will be easier than that positive thinking psychobabble!

The idea is to think about how bad you may feel if you don’t do something rather than thinking about how good the thing will be for you. And that idea does come naturally to me. I regret almost everything I haven’t done, but there are so many things I can’t see any way that avoiding a couple would make any difference for me!

I’ve been a bit down this week–dwelling on my shortcomings is a major distraction from living when I’m in the negative pole of my bi-polarity. Unfortunately, when I’m not in the negative pole, I just think about them faster! and try harder to make them stop with frantic activity. I’ve heard that some people who experience mania actually enjoy it–like being high on drugs. I only wish that were my experience. I did find out that I’m not as strange as I thought. Others have the same diagnosis as me. I don’t remember off-hand which applies to me, but bi-polar is defined as Type I and Type II. Continue reading

The Left Can’t Remain Silent

PACG President Cathy Bolcom greets presidential candidate IL Senator Barack Obama at Rally in Davenport, IA

Cathy Bolkcom PACG President greets Presidential Candidate Senator Barack Obama in Davenport, Iowa

We won!! In 2008 WE WON!!

Barack Obama fulfilled our hopes and dreams and plans of the past 8 years that were shattered twice by George W Bush. The first time by a complacent country that was lulled by the prosperity of the Clinton Presidency and turned off by his peccadilloes. The second time our downfall was fears that if we threw our problem out, we’d be admitting to the world that we were weak and ready for invasion.

Exemplary campaigns did not preceded either election. Al Gore couldn’t quite get his public image right and the election results left us all stunned by the problems that finally decided the outcome.

In 2004, the field of candidates was broad and diverse. And the field moved up and down and up and down in the polls. And candidates made some questionable choices. And the media caught others in unflattering light.

Continue reading

Democracy for America

Last week I attended the local Democracy for America (DFA) chapter meeting (DFA-QC). Democracy for America began as Dean for America—the campaign of Governor Howard Dean of Vermont for the 2004 Presidential Race. When Gov Dean failed to win the democratic primary after developing his unique online campaign network, the network knew that the need still existed for the work of the people involved even if the reason for its creation had not succeeded. The changed the name and we have been going strong ever since.

DFA-QC Member w/Flat Howard cut-out at a meeting

DFA-QC Member w/Flat Howard cut-out at a meeting

I met Governor Dean several times at fund-raising breakfasts hosted by the Quad Cities Federation of Labor and at meetings of Progressive Action for the Common Good (PACG). PACG is an award-winning grassroots organization in the Quad Cities of Iowa and Illinois that has several forum groups that address several issues of social justice including:  health care, the environment, and reclaiming moral values from the religious right. DFA-QC works under the umbrella of PACG coordinating events with the larger group and using the expanded resources of the group to reach the entire area.

I want to talk about our meeting last week, but I want to also let you know about the organization. So I will introduce the organization first by telling you how I became involved in it. Continue reading

Hello world!

Hello world!

definition: (1) The first program created by a programmer learning a new computer language. (2) The first output of a new computer program used during testing to verify it works. (3) Generic term WordPress.com uses for the first default post on a newly created blog.

Computer Monster Since I’m a bit of a geek and know several computer programming languages and have tested many, many, many programs, I have used this term many times; and I felt a little pang of nostalgia when I say it listed as the title of my first blog post. I’ve seen several blogs that left the first post intact–including the text provided by WordPress.com that tells you to go ahead and delete it. I’ve also see many that did just that, delete it.

But I can’t remember anyone who kept the title and changed the text. If you decide to follow my musings, you will probably find that I tend to do things that aren’t typical of what is found elsewhere. So it makes sense that I adopt this strategy to start a new venture like this one.

Continue reading

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